Allergy season has struck three out of four of our family and I'm miserable. Even with essential oils taking the worst of it, it's still pretty bad. Last night, my amount of sleep was abysmal and the quality of sleep equally abysmal. So all day, I've been looking forward to when M would get home from work and help with the boys so I could rest even a little.
So when M let me know he'd try to head home early today to help, I was thrilled. When he said he was on his way home, I was relieved.
And then, after I put Z down for his nap, and A was distracted by his movie, M crashed on the couch.
No, no, no. That's not how this is supposed to go. I am the one who barely slept last night, and have been dealing with a sneezy A and a baby who's had bad sinus drainage, causing him to spit up way more than normal. I've been concerned about how much Z has been retaining in his belly all day with how much he's been spitting up. Not to mention also just how many times A has injured himself today jumping off something or running into something. I am ready for a nap.
So I worked on cleaning up the kitchen, trying (unsuccessfully) not to complain to myself about how unfair it is. I'm the one that needs to feed the baby. That needs to make dinner. That gets bent out of shape when the house is covered in toys and needs to be vacuumed. That needs to get to the laundry. And I'm the one with the least amount of sleep. I should be allowed to rest a bit while the boys are down or distracted!
And then the Lord stepped in on my little tantrum.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
I shouldn't begrudge my husband for wanting to rest. He's been up early (around 5 am or so) and at work. Working to provide us funds for money, for our house, for clothes, (for my Stitch Fix), for ministry.
I love my husband. I love how he doesn't even complain about how he leaves for work and I stay home with the kids. I am so very grateful that we are blessed in that he can work and provide for all of us and that I don't need to work to help provide for our family. That's a blessing that I should not ever take for granted.
My grumbling and resentment over his bit of rest was sin. It sure wasn't loving! I was focused on ME, not on the fact that yeah, he's likely worn out. And although he slept more solidly than I last night, he did go to bed later and got up way earlier.
As for my own tiredness, the Lord has been gracious in seeing me through today. M got home early, so when Z is up and I need an extra set of hands, he can help me then. I've gotten more done today than I had expected at this point. And my attitude has been better than expected for sleep deprivation and horrid allergies. Yes, I've slipped up in moments of frustration, but those have been rarer than other days, and the Lord has kept refreshing my energy.
Really now, I have moments of being such a baby. But thank the Lord for his daily grace!
Fellow Mommy's out there, I know how easy it is to slip down that slope of sin into the 'woe is the tired/spat up on/un-showered/taxi driver/________ Mommy'. Ladies, I encourage you to recognize when you are in that moment, take every thought captive, repent of it and give it to the Lord. He is enough. And don't worry about tomorrow either-focus on each day as it comes. His grace is sufficient.
"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12: 8-10